Hello my big, lumbering human. It is me, Charlie, your furry friend. I bet you didn't even know I could talk. Well, I wouldn't if I didn't need to, the hamster code is to keep our chompers for chewing, but today I can't stay quiet any longer, I must raise my itty-bitty voice in protest. When you brought me home from the pet store, I thought we were gonna be best buds. I was ready to give you all the fuzzy-wuzzy love I had in my tiny little heart. But then I saw the cage you'd bought for me. Economy size. It's like living in a jail cell! Have you seen how cute I am? A creature as adorable as me deserves a hamster mansion! Four rooms minimum, luxury sawdust, pine ideally, with some of those colorful plastic tubes to run through, that's what I deserve! I can't believe you couldn't even fork out five lousy dollars for a hamster wheel?! Come on! A rodent like me's gotta get some exercise or I'm gonna be rolling around like a fluffy softball. As punishment for sticking me in that shoe box of a home, I've spent the day chewing holes in each and every pair of your underwear. It didn't taste very nice, kinda cheesy, but I had to send a message. Get your backside to the pet store, I need you to do better or I'll be putting holes in your shoes next! Love from me, your hamster.